Space - day two

Everything feels the same but different. The colours on the walls, the display of the house - all remains intact. Of course the curtains have fallen by now. I've come to realize that in time everything will change. New furniture will come, the old will be gone, I might even move. But the deep dark memories will remain so long as the walls keep standing. Though these walls may stand, my mind keeps crumbling.

She's been gone for a week now. I woke up this morning thinking it was all a bad dream. Turned to my side, tried to smell her hair, kiss her forehead, smile at her and say good morning. But there was nothing there but a pillow and more space. I fucking hate the space. How cold can one person be? Even in the summer an empty bed seems like winter. And as Bill Withers once said, ain't no sunshine when she's gone. Through all these shitty days I've sought reason. I've found nothing. I've fought with myself just to feel her here. I dared myself to jump on to the street and meet someone, talk to a human being. But then she's no ordinary human being. She's the one that makes me smile while she makes me cry.

I'm convinced that time's passing by. I can see it in my watch, even in the microwave. I can see it in the dog as he runs around the apartment whining and crying. He misses his mother. I miss her too. Her warmth, her smile, her enthusiasm. I know where I went wrong. I went wrong in going right. I stayed for her. I should've gone for me. Maybe it'd be better for us. Now I'm stuck and we're faded. I'll do my best to be happy. Maybe that'll bring her to me. I tear a piece of paper and write on it: 'I feel your sadness from here.' I set it on her pillow and fall back asleep.

Bill Withers - Ain't No Sunshine