Head Up

I think it's time to start something new. Time to make fresh what came to be old. The bleeding is done, the wording takes form. Stop and breathe. Alcohol is here to stay, to dance and play, not to drain or lead me astray. It's no longer a poison running through my veins. It's no longer a fuel that ignites the vainly passionate in me. It's an absent friend and for such I have no time. Just keep passing by, I'll look up, to the sky, to the clouds, to the stars.
Long enough have I lived in the past, given much power to those who left scars. Many times have I said that those were battle scars, remembrance that I've survived. But now I know, surviving isn't living. As long as I draw breath I'll keep searching a way to live again. I've contemplated such a life before, even if shortly, and I've known its taste. I was drenched in it, swallowed by it, like somehow drawn into the fantasy written in words in pages of a book. I've come to wake up in cold sweats again, remembering what it has been so that I may once again smile, so that I don't feel so lonely. Such is an occasional feature. Passes me by quickly. For now I see the colour of the skies and the grass, now I feel the cool wind and that makes me open my eyes, open my arms, guard my soul but live with it.
I'm in pain. I've been in pain before, I remember the feeling. I don't know it's the same wound, if it close and is another scar or if it was just numb, but for some time I didn't feel it. It has came up. But, unlike the last time, I haven't used anaesthesia. This time I'm fighting it. Shutting my eyes and trying to sleep a peaceful night again, this time by myself. I'm lonely but I'm not dead. I've come to my senses and some temporary feeling won't keep me from smiling. One day it'll be natural.

Elton John - Rocket Man