quinta-feira, 29 de dezembro de 2011

Interior fight

Close the door, it's time to leave. The night was conquered by longness. You just left and I feel empty already. Almost as empty as this blank page that I try to fill with the feelings that you left me. Here I write gladly all the things that I couldn't tell you to your face. All because you said that you don't want to get involved, you don't want to be serious. It breaks my heart. It storms my mind and I know that I'll go insane before I can hold you again. Even now, dust pushed aside and glowing heart smiling, I long for your touch, for your flesh.
I remember your lips, that smile that you make every time you see me, a song that only I can hear, a love that my heart can't bear. I deliver it to you on a golden plater to watch you destroy it, merciless, ruthless, emotionless. And what I need is you to be conquered by it, dragged in, inexplicably. So patiently I'll wait for the day you'll give in. Until then I remain in silence and devour this darkness and insecurity that is mine since birth. I'll see all that I know change, myself included. All but the rain. And the rain will bless me with remembrance, given that the days gone by will never return.
A new day dawns and all is the same. This four walls still remain standing. Bitter heart that suffers so, look at the window and have pity on your soul, let the sun shine though and the beauty of the world burn your mind with excitement and new will to live. Understand this or understand nothing at all: you dwell in a dimension unknown to any human being, a dimension only you belong. If you with to remain there, let yourself be there alone, draw her not into your petty disgrace. You selfish, coward, mourner of your own self. You don't even have courage to look at the mirror and accept the disgrace that you are. Bleed. Bleed, let time get you. Bleed, grow old until you finally turn to the dust that you say you've pushed aside. Have some shame, some dignity. Let her be and disgrace her not as well.
Silence. It's all you need. Silence and a dark, empty room. Walls to thick that it'd that you years and years until you could punch your way out. Escape to your kingdom of ice that you've build in your mind. Reign there, tyrant of your own pain. Reign there and watch it all burn, slowly. All decay and havoc. You brought this. You did it to yourself. Silence! Everything will end soon.

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