How long?

Where are we now? Let me proclaim myself, express what comes inside to outside, burning, destroying, damn all the things about you that I love almost as much as you. Damn this day that seems to pass slower than usual, always with your image in my mind. The words that I want to tell you are becoming burdens in my shoulders. I just want to call you, today I can do it freely, tell you everything. But I would just ruin all you have. I'm awaiting for you. Sooner or later, I'll have the answer to all my question and doubts, even that it destroys me and my life. I'm satanic, you fuckin christen bitch, continue to love me as I love you. I know that you did it once, you still do, I'm just not sure that you love me more that everyone else.
I hate the world. I hate the humanity. I hate all my words, and thoughts, my own and impure existence. I hate you all, I couldn't hate this feeling anymore even if I tried. I'm an hypocrite narcissistic motherfucker, I only mind myself, that was until I saw you. Damned night that you appeared in my field of vision, blinding me with your beauty. You are the vision in my dreams, when I'm alone in this island of rainy ideas. I miss that day, those times, even if I don't know all the things that are still to happen. I want to go back into being happy with you, even if it was only one night... one magic night. And if it continues to be only one night, I know that that was the night of my life... with you.
Where are you now? You're in my mind, you're in my soul, you occupy my heart. You're the dead that only speaks to me in dreams. Congratulations, you've became my life and my curse. And still you're distant. How long?