segunda-feira, 12 de janeiro de 2009

A taste of winter

I feel her slipping away, withdrawing from my hands in a second moment of light. She felt the pain and she battled inside but the grieve was too much, the damage to her soul had been done. Not by me but the was nothing I could do to change it. She wouldn't let me help. Now, she's a careless angel with wings that don't spread, she can't see them. She fled from within my hands and I feel so alone in this cold season. In this virgin snow I step of frozen tears mixture with blood. All mine and all dead. For the debut of her beauty in the deadly month of May, she burned my happiness and in the hottest month of August, she gave my eyes life once again. Now leaving to her past, she will not see what she left here, an imprisoned demon to her lack of confidence. She won't know the chains that keep me here, tortured, mistaken for another common mortal. She wouldn't help my soul. Now, no one within my security, she doesn't want me to die for her and I'm drowning in my emptiness. I can't do anything for her anymore.
One night of lights and laughter, I tasted your lips and you ran away. You shock your head away and used the first boat home to your mean of safety, your own self. I meant nothing to you yet you returned to that place with me. Your vision made me smile for days and nights. Your lips once again in mine and I was in a dream. A dream where you could smile and we held hands, no one else around mattered. We went home and words were the only night and life remaining here. You, in my bed, just the silence and the two of us. Life stood frozen in the dead of the night for us. Still you wouldn't look me in the eyes, still you refused to acquire the love that I felt and still feel for you. It was a last chance of acquaintance for this time. In the next morning you said goodbye and travelled through the fog, into uncertain waters. I couldn't see your face or make you smile again. More of a punishment that life itself. The words I typed with you in the nights of longing reached somewhere that wasn't you, still I saw you again. Once last time and you in my arms. Amidst the sunsets that I've never seen, in that unknown land that you walk around, I saw the trees with you and the sadness in your eyes. A day passed and I didn't even heard the hours pass. You just ran and I didn't saw you leave me behind. And so I left and the world wouldn't miss us at all. I wouldn't deserve another look from you.
Now I sit in despair, you're further and further, every word I write only creates distance. I can't tell you the reason of why you're still in me. I only feel that I lost all I had in a moment mistaken. This wasn't our time, will we get a second chance? But now you belong to the past, the nightmares control my nights when I don't have insomnia, the images of you are perpetrated and consumed and I only see darkness along with your arms reaching for mine yet distancing, going away until you're darkness as well. This blindness won't disappear and the world doesn't want me to perish, the Goddess won't let me to. I'm nothing and I can't give nothing that I didn't have tried to give you before. You're so much more of me, you mean too much for me, are you allowing me to let me die?

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