Age of religion

Is there a colour on the horizon. Can I paint it gray? Is it a crime against humanity? You worship fake gods and then you come and criticise and judge other people thoughts or action. You're idiots. All fools that believe in something so you can feel better. You speak of salvation and life after death, you say that you can't and won't be material but even I am less material than you. You always seek to see the beautiful side of everything and now the world is pink and covered with flowers to you. I can't believe that there's something more powerful than me, that there's a salvation, that there's a Heaven or a Hell. I continue to say that nothing that you believe, worship and dedicate money and resources to exists. It's just a damn way to keep you hoping and dreaming of a better world than our without it even existing. You're fools.
There's a thought that comes to my mind when I think of what I used to believe: "Age of Innocence". I believed in all that was told to me, I didn't doubt it because I was too afraid to loose my way to Heaven. Just started thinking. I evolved, I wasn't created by some saviour, there's no one more powerful than me. I'm myself, equal to everyone else on Earth. Just a little bit smarter than the fools that believe in false gods or that war is the way to peace. It's the age of religion, when the fools think they rule the Earth.

My demon's smile

Woke up today, with you on my mind. Nothing else matters to me right now. Just the thought of you here with me, side by side, looking at each others eyes, telling each that we found the new and never-ending love of our life. but the truth is never easy and, in this case, it's difficult to be together but it's too damn hard to stop loving each other. I want to destroy the land that is between us, just so we can be together. Big is the distance between us but I feel that our love can touch each other. I can feel you in my heart, mind and soul. Can you feel me two?
Falling apart, down without love, just a soul with the destiny to die, you've found me, you've picked me up, you made this old soul be more alive than it was before. You've found me, you've cast a spell upon me with your beautiful smile. Now I'm yours and you're mine. Forever in each others heart, mind and souls. My demon I'll be alive for you. I will wait here for you, then take you in my arms, be forever with you, before the certain doom that shines upon our planet hits us, I'll try to save you, even if it means sacrificing myself. For you I will.
You're my thoughts, the one that tells me that it's secure to fall asleep to wake up again tomorrow. Just the thought of viewing your smile, gives me strength to get up in the morning. You've cleaned my mind of my sins, the unforgiven doom, it shines, it smiles, it's alive but won't hit us. What will be of us when everyone around us points the finger at us? We'll be stronger. We'll be together for we don't care about others words or ideas. We care about each other and that's all that we need. Forever alive to see my demon's smile. To see you.

Souls of Immortality - chapter two

You wake up in the middle of the night, while the stars still shine in the sky. The shine for you, they tell stories of your fathers, the battles they fought to survive and to leave you the legacy and the weigh upon your shoulders of continuing their story. You see a star moving, a movement that almost looks human. The mind surely plays tricks on you. You looks to the ground, leafs rising from the sand, healthy in the middle of nothing, a desert so big that can swallow every drop of water on Earth and still remain the same. But somehow you don't feel terrified with that thought. You kind of like it. You see a shadow moving far away, near the lights. You see your friends watching the outside of the field. You have a vision, tells you the future of your friends. And there's nothing you can do to change their fate.
You know you have to fight, you just don't know that you were born to live, to go insane and rule the world or just to remain in the shadows and spread you justice all over the world. With this on your mind, you go back to bed. You hope to dream with your love but instead you dream of vampires, demons and angels to control your fate. You wake up and you see the darkness around you. Somehow it comforts you. You feel in home, safe, as if the world could end now and you would be alive and well, but the thought of your love comes suddenly to your mind and the whole feeling of your home crushes down as if it was a bomb. You try to fall asleep but you notest the time so you get up and start doing your exercises. You run, trying hard to forget of the nightmares and the darkness. But the thought of your lover will never go away. It will hunt you forever, even after she's dead.
Another day in the field and your friends are growing more anxious. The have their guns in their hands but you despise yours. You've never liked it. Always preferred swords. but you got used to used that guns. What else where you going to do? You walk all the way in the field and stop at the a certain point. No reason. You just simply wanted to stop. You sit down and relax. You'll be alive for a long time, so why be alive while being up? Blasphemy. You get up an continue your march. You'll clean up the thoughts of all just to trade for the idea of blood. It will keep you alive. It will keep you yourself. You look to the sky and you see something painted grey. In the middle of the day? Unusual. Suddenly the bell rings... the War began...

Continues...

Nível de justiça - capítulo Um

Vejo no horizonte um levantamento de poeira, causado pela passagem dos cavalos dos cavaleiros do Inferno. A poeira dissipa-se e tudo o que resta na passagem dos cavalos é caos e morte, suicídios em massa e adorações a falsos deuses em troca de sobrevivência a este pesadelo. Pessoas nos seus joelhos a rezarem enquanto que os cavaleiros, nos seus cavalos, cortam-lhes as cabeças. O terror nos olhos das pequenas crianças enquanto que olham para os seus pais, conhecidos e amigos a serem mortos sem o mínimo remorso. Mas como dizem, remorso é para os mortos. Significará isso que os cavaleiros estão vivos? Afasto estas questões da cabeça e ponho-me a correr em direcção dos cavaleiros. Isto conduzirá a uma de duas coisas: morte e destruição dos cavaleiros ou uma perseguição interminável até aos confins do Inferno. Mas sigo em frente com o máximo de velocidade que consigo atingir.
Vejo a menos de 500 metros as armaduras dos cavaleiros a brilharem assim que o Sol lhes bate. Até podia ser um obstáculo no combate a que me aproximo mas com toda esta poeira será muito improvável que eles me consigam cegar. E mesmo que o consigam, consigo sempre usar a minha audição de forma a matá-los. Muito sinceramente eles não têm hipóteses mas espero que tentem de forma a que os mate agora e que não os tenha de perseguir mais tarde. Ainda não se aperceberam da minha aproximação, o que me dá uma vantagem. Posso ainda exterminar um ou dois sem que eles se apercebam. Mas primeiro paro para os contar. São 8, de fraca força, portanto pouco inteligentes. Peões, membros dispensáveis do exército do Imperador. Como refugiado nas montanhas, sou procurado pela falsa lei do Imperador mas o que faço realmente é trazer justiça aos sítios que passo. Esta é apenas mais um missão de reconhecimento do Imperador acerca do seu reino. Nunca pensaria que ele faria isto aos seus supostos súbditos.
Iniciarei este combate e depressa o acabarei. Esqueço-me dos espectadores, mortos ou vivos, e deixo a minha raiva dominar o meu corpo. Pouco demorou a minha transformação. Assim que ataquei, assim matei. Trespassei os corpos dos cavaleiros e continuo o meu caminho. Apenas deixo para trás a mágoa e as lembranças que deixei nas mentes cicatrizadas das crianças inocentes. Alguma criança dali me perseguirá.

Plus one

The wind walks in my life like a cutting blaze that has the only purpose to cut deep wounds in my soul, transfigurating my face and leaving scares in my body. I'm walking this street alone because I've choose to leave all humanity behind. A humanity so cruel and blind that makes me feel ashamed of being alive. Nothing I don't have is all that I want. And now I'm the only one who can change it. I'll try to move quickly into destiny but you're hands won't let go, won't let me run against that wall of bricks that is going to make things clear. I'll take a walk to breed the fresh air so it cleans my mind.
They're telling me that I have something moving inside of me called heart but I don't feel any love and I can't feel the pain when she bites. I can't be excused by the words I say or write, even if it hurts you. I don't want to be excused, I just want you to stop worrying about me and start worrying about yourself. I feel that I can help you. And I'm not falling in love again. There is no such thing as love. I have no emotions so how can I love? I only love myself and that's it.

Souls of Immortality - chapter one

Missed your life, missed your friends. You were pushed to war, caused by humans that won't even battle. You've lost your love, you killed your own heart. Long before you were alive, you were killed. Someone has drunk your blood and know you're dead. Somebody will pay for what they've done, your love will smile once again when you came back home to her arms. But still an epic battle awaits you and takes the energy and hopes of you, but the dream remains. Open your eyes, there's more to give than to take. And still you march, march against the scared and shaking bodies of the enemies. Living fear controls them and the one's aside you but that feeling was taken away from you long ago. You'll drink blood tonight, instead of the usual beer.
You're in the air along with a hundred men that cry for the wife's and sons back home, but still you're alone for you are the only one of your kind and you have to go to war. In the end, you'll be the only one standing up looking for friends or foes, but with blood in your mouth and many bullet holes in you clothes. No one to cheer for you but the souls of immortality. They were alive and well, the fought as well against the powers of nature, but they lost so now they're beside you in your own fight, they feed of your own desire to continue alive. But you've got to imagine how is your love back home for she may not miss you, but you miss her. Continued passage to the hole of hell where the bodies of the undead lay in the ground waiting for the souls lost in this combat. You'll take them there.
You lay on solid ground and look to each corner of your eye, spying what it may be your future. At night, you pray to fake gods to keep your soul after you're dead, what you don't know is that you'll never die. You have the annoying feeling that someone's watching you but you look behind and there's nothing there. In the darkness, you get lost in the never-ending thoughts of the beyond. You wish to see your lover but she's to far away from you. Now you consider yourself a dammed soul and curse against the one's that took you there. Soon you'll taste the bitter-sweet taste of victory, desiring what all immortals wish, the death of your body and soul. Nothing meant for you. A characteristic so human that almost makes you think that you're normal and that gives you hope.

Continues...

Cry for what it wasn't

I'm staring at a nothing in front of me. I'm looking to a mirror that reflects my image, something that isn't normal and likes the silence. I'm a caged animal that likes to stay still all the time, not sleeping, just thinking of his actions and fake feelings, something that makes me look inside and decide what I want now. The feelings haven't changed, that's why you're still here. As soon as they change, you'll turn your back like you always do and leave to far away thinking that I'll be good, that I'll be alright and I'll stay alive. I can lie, I can say one thing and mean another. You wouldn't know. You wouldn't care about me so that damn much if I wouldn't have told you what I felt. It isn't a beautiful day, it wasn't a great afternoon. I'm not feeling what you want to feel. I'm not in love. Yes, I hate myself for what I've done, but I hate myself a lot time ago, before I've met you.
I know what I've said and I still know how I felt when you were with me but now you're far and I'm alone, like I like to be. I can finally reflect well, think of what you said and I can give you an answer. Kill me if you must, I'll be happy. But there's something more to tell than our story. No one needs help if they don't think they need it, so why do you insist on coming back and going away? It doesn't hurt because I don't have what you call of emotions. I only have hate and rage that keep me awake and comfort me when I'm feeling dead. I hate her, but I'm asking you not to continue for then I'll hate you.
It's over before it began. Hope this is for long, but I don't know how much it'll change in the future. Nothing you can say right now will change my mind so please don't cry for it was, cry for what it wasn't.

Quarto de desespero

Nova janela no quarto do desespero. Chamas queimam a madeira que a compõe mas ela não desaparece. A paisagem que se vê por entre a janela é de terror, medo e morte. Estou num quarto feito à minha medida, que se vai aos poucos alargando, dando lugar a novas janelas e portas mas cada vez que vejo a paisagem por entre tais objectos apenas aparece algo que faz o quarto aumentar. O meu desespero deixa entrar a paranóia que ainda mata o medo de sair. Se calhar o que me conforta é o desespero e a paranóia. Não sei. Mas continuo nesta cadeira sentado apenas com a secretária vazia à minha frente, ocasionalmente vendo o que há fora do quarto por entre as janelas e portas.
Levanto-me do frio chão que me condiciona os movimentos e não me deixa pensar num plano de fuga do quarto. Uma figura sombria senta-se no chão, por baixo da janela do medo. Parece que não tem face, apenas um corpo morto e vazio por dentro. Pergunto-me se alguma vez teve o que queria. Nunca tinha reparado nele mas também nunca tive uma luz vinda duma janela. Ele deve ter sido o primeiro prisioneiro voluntário deste quarto. Sento-me ao lado dessa figura e espero a conexão de este quarto com outro para poder comunicar com outro ser humano. Ou então que apareça a janela da esperança, algo que me dê forças para sair desta prisão. Até então fico sentado nesta cadeira a escrever cartas de amor a mim próprio.
A minha voz, apenas por mim ouvida, espalha-se pelo quarto mas não passa pela janela aberta que deixa a brisa de verão passar e o som de crianças a brincar contentes, sem saber que futuro lhes é reservado. Por mais alto que grite, por mais perto que esteja da janela a profanar tais palavras, as crianças continuam a rir-se e a divertir-se, nunca ouvindo palavras de tal desespero. Também a minha juventude raramente foi corrompida com palavras de pecados que nunca por mim foram cometidos, porque iriam estas crianças ser obrigadas a ouvir e a ajudar-me? Vou deixá-las brincar com a sua inocência para não terem de ser adolescentes parados, vivos mas inúteis. Portanto a janela esperança será a minha única luz quando a noite se abater sobre mim e o desespero for tão grande que apenas se verá uma luz no fundo do túnel chamada morte.

Book of life

Lost in the words of the soul, I can't find the way to get out of this book of life, a drama that tells the same history over and over again, forcing us to go insane by reading and living it. It's a simple game that you play by living. I consider it a torture. But no matter. Another page turns, a new chapter begins but the characters are all the same, they do the same, nothing changes but the book itself in a slowly way. That is life but we don't know it. At least until now. You weren't meant to fly, you were born to be burn along with the book of life that contains your fate, your story, your legend. Because nothing that you can do will change your destiny. You were born to die and it's written.
No suicidal intents, no killing other humans, no sorrow in the eyes of little children, nothing at all is real. All is meant to burn and your mind only plays tricks on you so you imagine a better life, a choice, a freedom. But it's all a big lie because you were planed and you're doomed to suffer the curse of being old. Many are, you are not alone but the one's you love the most are the one's that will always leave you sooner. My demons will hunt you at night for all the time that I've spent thinking of you. But I'll make sure that you'll burn will the page of your life. You'll disappear, you'll cry tears of blood that will make your destiny explode, you'll seek my help and guidance but I won't be there by body, I'll be reading my own book in soul and laughing at the figures that you make, the sadness in your eyes, the tears that slowly froze in your face revealing your true power.
There's no secret, the book of life is closing at the rate of the sun burns your scull. Vain is to fight against the void that you feel in your heart, there's no news, you will love me to death and after because it's just a power to big for you to handle it alone. Save the letter that reveals this time that I know you feel happy so it won't burn in the fires of hell along with your body. Maybe I'll see you there. Until then the book of life continues to turning pages, twist fates and change chapters. Believe me when I say that yours will still give a lot more.

Reminders

I'm trying to find a way to express myself without hurting anyone but it's not easy because my feelings all end up touching somebody, in a good or bad way. Right now I'm trying to write without disturbing the one's that are near me, in bed. Someone in my mind tells me to scream. But my little conscience still controls that part of my mind. But I'm loosing it fast. I'm loosing myself. I'm not able to stop it, it's a power too intense, to strong pulling me into certain doom. The only and ultimate sacrifice is the only way to save my trapped soul. It's not a state of mind or a phase that I'm passing trough, it's a state of mind and it's starting to take over my whole body, controlled by my soul. All of you think that I need to be helped but it's all opinions, opinions that I'll never listen. Because the only opinion that matters to me is mine.
Don't remind me of my pain, it's enough that all that I see reminds me of the past, when I was happy with her. You're probably right, she doesn't reminds me at all until she speaks with me and I clear her mind. From what I remember of the past, her certain actions may reflect on a disease today. But I won't be here to take her over, to console her and make her forget her pain until she dies. I bet you'll hate me for this words, if you don't hate me already. remind of what I was, a fake image of you, don't remind of me, the real person that makes you suffer.
Don't know why I'm writing this this to her because I only love myself but that fuckin stupid is somehow stuck in my mind. It doesn't let go, it doesn't disappears, it creates chaos and disorder in my head. Do I want to continue and start a serious relationship with you? If I only love myself, why am I dreaming awake that I'm in a serious relationship with you? Or why do even I think of you all day and consider this option? Am I a fake, is this a way to trick you? I can't get into a conclusion. I need another night awake thinking about you. I know you won't be reading this so I'll just drawn in sorrow and stupidity. I know that you're thinking of me, remembering of that afternoon. I'm reminding it too.