Cry for what it wasn't

I'm staring at a nothing in front of me. I'm looking to a mirror that reflects my image, something that isn't normal and likes the silence. I'm a caged animal that likes to stay still all the time, not sleeping, just thinking of his actions and fake feelings, something that makes me look inside and decide what I want now. The feelings haven't changed, that's why you're still here. As soon as they change, you'll turn your back like you always do and leave to far away thinking that I'll be good, that I'll be alright and I'll stay alive. I can lie, I can say one thing and mean another. You wouldn't know. You wouldn't care about me so that damn much if I wouldn't have told you what I felt. It isn't a beautiful day, it wasn't a great afternoon. I'm not feeling what you want to feel. I'm not in love. Yes, I hate myself for what I've done, but I hate myself a lot time ago, before I've met you.
I know what I've said and I still know how I felt when you were with me but now you're far and I'm alone, like I like to be. I can finally reflect well, think of what you said and I can give you an answer. Kill me if you must, I'll be happy. But there's something more to tell than our story. No one needs help if they don't think they need it, so why do you insist on coming back and going away? It doesn't hurt because I don't have what you call of emotions. I only have hate and rage that keep me awake and comfort me when I'm feeling dead. I hate her, but I'm asking you not to continue for then I'll hate you.
It's over before it began. Hope this is for long, but I don't know how much it'll change in the future. Nothing you can say right now will change my mind so please don't cry for it was, cry for what it wasn't.