Worshipping madness

Woke up today with a strange noise in my hear, like a drilling in my brain, a perfect way to say that I already been this way before. A sign of madness, an invert cross screaming insanity into my soul, crashing my dreams. Got up before the shadow of life was taken away from me. I've once lived to be happy, then I lived to be a dreamer, now I dream to be free. Can't speak as I want because there are too much people caring, reading every word I write, studying my sins. I don't want to lose friends, I just don't want to hurt them. Make that clear. That's why I'm stepping away. Trapped in my own world, I can't breath. I followed the path to happiness but ended it finding out that it was an abyss, an abyss to which I jumped, crashing down into sorrow. Now all that's left of me, is worshipping madness.
All these words I write seem so futile, so empty, constantly said or thought, written like sins on a cross that is just about to burn. I cry in the darkness of my room. I cry for the things that I don't wish to be. Remember those you don't love because they will hurt you constantly trough your life. I'm writing to myself, not for nobody else. Though I wished that the day of my birth wouldn't ever happen. It was a mistake, I'm an error, forever sinning in hell for being born. Excuse me while I live for it's not long before I kill myself. AND NO I DON'T HAVE A MENTAL PROBLEM, I just don't want your help, your friendly hand, because it burns. I haven't my real self in the past, I wasn't my real self in the past, that's so fuckin much of a difference that it makes you blind to the real me. Is this so much fuckin pain that you can't take it? I've told you once before, I don't want your help because it hurts and in the end it will hurt you. And all the help you give to me will always be seen like a way to explore me, bringing me to my knees and using the excuse that I'm paying my dues. So let me worship madness, let me drink to insanity because it's the only way that I'll exist. Don't remember me.