Am I the monster that lays beneath the bed of the little kids, tormenting them trough the night, giving them nightmares while they sleep? Have I grow to be a figure so torn and different from what I was or what you were used to see me? I'm not that different. I'm still the same person, just caring more about my problems and not having that magical world that lived in. This and more. Other things that torment me when I'm awake. Don't tell me what I have to say or do. Tell me that you're going to carry on, even if without me.
I'm a lie, I'm a sinner to my own religion. I can't even stand up for my principals. I'm fake and I'm drowning with sorrow in my pool of blood. I kiss but I don't ever love. I need time to think what my words mean and what my actions say. I need time to review my emotions because I don't want to say that I love you in vain, I don't want to say that I love you so you can say no to my face and leave me there thinking how stupid I was. I won't make an effort to change my feelings so you can destroy my few hopes and dreams with one word.
I'm in a different world, with a different mood, in a alternative universe. Maybe there I'm not so much of a fake or maybe I'm even more a fake there than I am here. Wish I could have the guts to say with my full heart that I love someone else that is not me but the more I think of it, the more it sounds like a lie. Another lie, another crime against myself. Tell me if I'm an idiot to say and write this sinful words that I know that you'll read, sooner or later? I have no future planed but I know that, somehow, you won't fit in it. Maybe because of me, maybe because of you but what I think right now is that one of us will have to fight for the other and the more I think of it, the more that person seems you. But one thing I appreciate that you gave me: you made me realise that my feelings aren't the right one's to be in a relationship. I have to consider this but if I decide to fight for you, this feelings will have to change. Will I be more of a fake then than now?