Reminders

I'm trying to find a way to express myself without hurting anyone but it's not easy because my feelings all end up touching somebody, in a good or bad way. Right now I'm trying to write without disturbing the one's that are near me, in bed. Someone in my mind tells me to scream. But my little conscience still controls that part of my mind. But I'm loosing it fast. I'm loosing myself. I'm not able to stop it, it's a power too intense, to strong pulling me into certain doom. The only and ultimate sacrifice is the only way to save my trapped soul. It's not a state of mind or a phase that I'm passing trough, it's a state of mind and it's starting to take over my whole body, controlled by my soul. All of you think that I need to be helped but it's all opinions, opinions that I'll never listen. Because the only opinion that matters to me is mine.
Don't remind me of my pain, it's enough that all that I see reminds me of the past, when I was happy with her. You're probably right, she doesn't reminds me at all until she speaks with me and I clear her mind. From what I remember of the past, her certain actions may reflect on a disease today. But I won't be here to take her over, to console her and make her forget her pain until she dies. I bet you'll hate me for this words, if you don't hate me already. remind of what I was, a fake image of you, don't remind of me, the real person that makes you suffer.
Don't know why I'm writing this this to her because I only love myself but that fuckin stupid is somehow stuck in my mind. It doesn't let go, it doesn't disappears, it creates chaos and disorder in my head. Do I want to continue and start a serious relationship with you? If I only love myself, why am I dreaming awake that I'm in a serious relationship with you? Or why do even I think of you all day and consider this option? Am I a fake, is this a way to trick you? I can't get into a conclusion. I need another night awake thinking about you. I know you won't be reading this so I'll just drawn in sorrow and stupidity. I know that you're thinking of me, remembering of that afternoon. I'm reminding it too.