Feel

I feel you here. I fell that you hear my breathing, I hear yours. I can fell your touch, your hand in my chest feeling my heart beating and repeating the same words "Your heart is beating fast" and all I hear is "I'm afraid". I'll give you the same old answer "I'm here, with you, that's how I know that I'll die happy, it it happens to be now". You close yourself again because you know that I've touched deeper. I'll only continue it if you want me to. Control, power, life, gave it all away in a second just for a true smile in your face.
I don't want to wake up anymore feeling dependent to anyone or anything, I just want to wake up and be sure that you like me even a little, just enough for me to feel safe and to know that you're only mine. Selfish, I know. Possessive, maybe a little bit but it's all because I like you. Just a will for monogamy. And the words you write don't seem to have a meaning, your actions only raise the fears in my mind. Trying not to control, a mistake, one more sin, I back away into the closure where I fell safe, where I know that no one can see me cry in desperation. Tell me I'm wrong, show me you mean what you write, that your actions aren't reasons to feed my fears.
The black outside my window covers the world and the little lights always stand in the background waiting for a chance to shine more. But that black isn't as big as the black in my mind because that black covers my Universe, dysfunctional and incorrect, once and always self-destructive. I'll seek in the cloudy sky a void where your star shines and see in it the comfort and confidence, acknowledge that I'm not another passing phase. And words, they seem to be nothing at all. Make me feel, once again.