Hatred for myself

Hatred for myself, for the words that I've spoken, for feelings that I wrote. And all because of you, all because you've come too deep to let you go now. Unless you want me to. No voice of reason to talk, no mind to analyse, just the silence between us in this awkward moment, the moment that I brought with my own sins. And I wish that you would just give me a word so I could close my eyes and die in the pool of shame where I've fell. Destroy me, by all meanings, for all that I've become and the friendship that I've ruin. Only now I've realised that. And I have no way to change it, but I feel no remorse, as usual. I won't fall again.
We share the world, we share the words but we suffer the consequences of our own mistakes in the shadow of undieing sun, the true corner of my soul. And I hate myself, so should you, for words that I've created in my mind to tell you how I felt, the cause of our dead friendship and my horrors. And you suffer more because of me. And that's the reason of my hate for myself, because I always do the wrong things, at the wrong times, moved by my futility. And I'm sorry though this word will never wash away the sins.
And I now, I'm superficial and needy but I'm trying to change. I'm an idiot and I just can't admit it. And I only say shit when that's the last thing you need. Hang me at your mercy, that which I hope that doesn't exist so I can disappear, vanish from this Earth into the unknown. Kill my glass smile and turn my life into a torn in god's feet. Hatred for myself as much as love is fake.