Outro dia...

Outro dia que passa com o Sol a brilhar. Outro dia que passe em que eu olho para o espelho com um sentimento desconhecido sobre mim. E outro dia em que me pergunto se fiz a decisão certa ou errada. Se todas as dores que sinto são reais ou são apenas fingimentos para obter mais atenção. Outro dia que passa e o trabalho e as dores vão acumulando, as perguntas pesando nos ombros, a mochila nas costas e, a andar pela rua, vejo mais uma vez a imagem que já vi mais de um milhão de vezes.
Mais um dia mais uma morte... no dia-a-dia oiço vozes que me pedem ajuda pois não sabem onde estão mas a morte não é um lugar é um estado de espírito. O meu espírito já viveu e já morreu. Viveu mais um pouco contigo mas já morreu outra vez pois perdi as minhas esperanças. Agora está morto e sem maneira de voltar à vida. A chama da vida que arde dentro de mim está quase apagada e todas as recordações voltam agora para me assombrarem. Subi e desci durante a minha vida mas nunca me lembrei que seria a minha alma a ser consumida lentamente pela tua alma.
Sem remorsos eu ando nas ruas, sem medo eu me sinto desde que acordo até que me deito. Sem felicidade ou qualquer tipo de contentamento eu vivo. Apenas com amigos posso contar quando, nas alturas difíceis, a Morte me fala. Quando eu me sento na cama a tocar guitarra ou quando ou me encontro com eles na rua, sei que é por eles que o sacrifício da vida vale a pena. Os amigos, apenas os amigos, nos compreendem e nos dizem que poderemos viver para outro dia voltarmos a sofrer. Mas até quando meus amigos, até quando teremos de suportar o peso de sabermos que a Morte nos segue e que será o nosso fim? Ou até quando formos imortais teremos de suportar o peso da vida para todo o sempre apenas para sofrer outra vez num outro dia. Meus amigos até lá, encararei a Morte como um estilo de vida, tendo em conta que alma quase não tenho e o meu espírito está morto.
E tu, minha deusa, serás tu até à minha morte a minha musa ou serás para todo o sempre a minha musa? Ajudar-me-às a suportar o peso da vida e da morte ou deixar-me-às abandonado mais uma vez no meio da chuva, a pensar em ti? Sofro por ti, no entanto, de ti nada oiço e a ti nada digo. Como gostava mais uma vez de sentir o teu calor em mim e que desses vida ao meu espírito mais uma vez. De ver os teus olhos azuis lindos e de conseguir dizer que tu e eu temos futuro juntos. Mas estarei ainda a ser incorrecto a presumir que também me amas? Sim porque eu amo-te e infelizmente para mim só uma maneira para te dizer isto mas são tempos difíceis até que eu te possa ver mais uma vez. Mas uma pergunta te deixo: Amas-me? Ou abandonas-me mais uma vez sozinho na chuva ou no Sol a pensar em ti e de como o meu amor não me é correspondido? Beija-me meu amor pois sou cego a esse tipo de momentos e alheio a esse tipo de sentimentos que em ti residem. Conhece o meu interior com a tua alma e toca o meu espírito com o teu amor. A ti te amo e a mais nenhuma.

Aos meus amigos,

Obrigado,

À minha deusa,

Amo-te

Tomorrow...

Took a picture of my guitar today to someday remember this day. I sat down on my bed looking at the my hands while they're shaking, maybe of cold, maybe of fear even maybe of disease, but they were shaking. Something told me that this world is not what it seems and all we say and do is just to please our friends. I listened to the radio while one of my favourite songs was playing and I just stood there listening, like a statue, with my eyes glassed looking to never land, dreaming of something new. I wanted to sing the music but, though I knew the lyrics, I didn't for some strange reason. Then I started to wonder. Will tomorrow be any different, will it be the same or will we have a new and true world to live in? Will people pass me in the street and say hello or just simply say what they think honestly? Honestly I don't care because I live in my own world and I simply like it.
Until yesterday I was living in her world but not today. That was the thing that changed in this world. Though I still love her, yes because that kind of feelings just don't go way easily, I don't live behind her shadow or think of her wherever I go. I say that this is my pain and that she's the cause of my suffering, but that are all excuses to escape the real felling that comes from the deep shadows of my soul. My true feelings are that I want to follow her and still kill myself for being so weak. But no more her! No more waiting.
Tomorrow will I change my speech? Can someone teach me how to live in the true way of living? Today I have my band formed but will I live until tomorrow to see them all together and to play on stage with them and kick ass? I'm in pain cause I want and I ain't happy cause so is my life. It's not up to me to chose my path but it's up to me to live to know what's coming tomorrow. Will my friends be with me until I die or will they betray me while I still live? Well I still live to some people but my soul is dead because of this life and because I wanted it to die. I need to see my soul cry and I need to feel my tears come down my face. But that is false because I can't cry any more, at least not until tomorrow.

It is Death stalking me,

waiting for me in the shadows,

so is my fate,

so is my life.

No more waiting...

Tired of seeing the time passing by, the sun and the rain, cars and people walking in the street. I say to myself that it's all over and the little hope that I had of a chance with you is now over. I excuse myself from this table of joy and I move to the old table where the old me lays: the table of rage. I hope once again that a new life comes to me though I'm sceptical about the chances of it. I listen to the music that says my pain and I talk to my friends that tell me to wait but that's what I sick of... I'm sick of waiting for you to call at night, I'm sick of missing you and I'm sick of this new me that is so fragile and so weak. I gave up too fast to your charm and beauty but now I'm fighting to resist it and I do hope that someday you'll see things my damn way but it's just to difficult to invite you to my world and to my table because you're deep in your table of betrayal and you like it.

A light in my window still tells me where to go and what to say but I don't listen to it because all the pain that you've caused me, even though I doubt you've meant it, is just too big for me to take so I'm leaving you and it to the world, to the next dumb ass that decides that you're the one and falls in love with you.

With caution I withdraw myself from your love and to never look back I return to my real self for no more atention or love you'll get from here, only rage and bitterness and the will to fight. Say what you want for it will not affect me and may sorrow come your way.

Aqui sentado

Aqui estou eu sentado a escrever num caderno matéria já dada nas aulas, mas nunca com o meu pensamento no que escrevo. Na minha mente apenas tu existes neste momento porque o futuro é incerto e é amanhã que te vou ver outra vez ainda não sei como nem quando exactamente. Também não vejo forma de te contactar já que não estás ligada a mim mentalmente e também porque supostamente estou demasiado ocupado para te falar quanto mais te ver. Mas é a ti que a minha mente pertence neste momento e é neste mundo cruel que eu te desejo ter. Porque todas as lutas que já tive durante a vida foram duras mas nenhuma nem todas juntas se comparam com a vontade que tenho em te ver até nas circunstâncias mais difíceis. Sem qualquer tipo de respostas de que eu preciso neste momento, vejo-me ao espelho com um olhar de esperança de que uma forma de contacto contigo esteja disponível mas mais uma vez estou enganado e condenado a sofrer destas terríveis dúvidas por mais um tempo. Sinto-me vulnerável a uma paixão repentina devido à nossa escassez de contacto.

Mais uma vez me sinto carente e aqui sentado fico sem dúvidas que não sou eu nem nunca fui a pessoa por quem estavas apaixonada. Viro-me apenas mais uma vez para ti apenas para dizer que acabou, que não vou mais tentar e que nem sequer o devia ter feito de início. Sobrio e com dores, tanto emocionais como físicas, tento esquecer a tua voz, o teu sorriso, os teus olhos porque apenas agora me sinto em casa e apenas agora procuro reaver a raiva que era a minha vida e que me controlava os pensamentos, acções e emoções. Tento mais uma vez esquecer aquela tarde maravilhosa que tive contigo e cada vez mais penso que fui mais um a cair na tua teia, na tua teia de seda que tu com tanto cuidado fizes-te apenas para puxar pessoas como eu para lá e para lhes devorar a vida. Mas a alma não, nunca a alma, pois nem eu deixaria que me tirasses a última coisa que ainda me traz dignidade neste mundo tão indigno de tanta confiança e amor.
Volto ao que fui e por ti não espero mais pois ainda hoje estive à chuva sempre a pensar em ti e ainda à espera de ouvir a tua voz outra vez mas não o fizes-te e agora toda a nossa química desapareceu e no seu lugar deixou a desconfiança e a dor pois estou certo que a partir de agora nunca mais irei amar alguém como te amei a ti.

Soul of the Damned

Feel the pain in my chest, the burn in my legs, see what my brain says and what my heart commands. Can you feel what I feel or are you so damn dumb that you cannot see a blasted thing in front of you? What can I say when you just don't feel what I feel? What can you say when my brain is telling me the opposite of my heart. I know your past and I've received bad news of you from the one's that are close to you but I'm still in doubt just because I don't want to be "just another one", it's because I want to be "the one".
Save this poor soul for it's lost. Cry for this lost soul for it's now damned and there's no future for the two of us. When I fought myself in the night I met you, I was thinking that I finally had find salvation but now the more I think of it the more I come to realise that I'm doomed just because I love you and there are no other words to say it.
My soul is lost, looking for an answer in the woods but it's still wandering if the path that it takes is the right path. All my past can't erase my future but what will be my future if I'm this indecisive. I search for a light that may guide to the answer but I'm still lost like a little boy searching for his way home. Could you be my light and guide me back to your arms?? Or would you guide me into a fall where I would surely die? If you would guide me to the fall, could you do the last push and end the life of this poor soul that doesn't know anything else to do but to say foolish words with his pride in front of his rationality?
For every person that passes by me in the street there's the tiniest hope that you're the person next to me.
For this Damned Soul have no compassion for I'm just a fool in love that seeks for answers that only you can give me.

Deadly hope

You, the only one that right now I can remember. Now that I lay in this field, now that I've been shot in the heart by a bullet from my enemy. You're the only memory that comes to my head right now that I'm dyeing. You can still bring me to my feet and with a last breath I struggle for my opponents death. My struggle, in vain, is over just as a horn blows through the air bringing the smell of defeat with it. Though I've killed my enemy, a new and vast number of enemies appears in the horizon. My life, just as I reach for my last energy, seems to fade away just as your memory comes back to me once again.
In the middle of the rain I stand and there I wait for a damn sign that you're around though you've left a long time ago. I'm still in that rain calling your name with the little hope that this world is fake and that this reality is just a mirror image of disgrace. Disgrace just because I'm still waiting for you as if there's no more life in me. With full energy I call your name crying in the middle of the street with rain falling upon me and, with my hair wet, I get to my knees and start to say all the things that I wanted to say to you so long ago, while you were still here with me.
Just out from the summer sun I'll say that my life is over and to my friends I'll just be another stranger that as passed trough their life's leaving my marks but not lasting forever. Could I ever last forever when you're gone and when I've died with my soul laying on your lap in the fields of war? Or did I gain a fever from the rain when I called and cried your name? When I was on my knees and the rain was falling upon me, was that it? Was my life a waste just because I've waited for you or is still my life a waste because I'm still waiting?
Can the answers to all my questions fall upon my hands from the sky or will I have to struggle some more to get them? Just because my life is what I don't wish of it will I have to kill myself just for the people around me get my point? Will they get their own mistakes or will I realise finally that I'm the one that is making the mistakes?
Sad but still true is my life to me but what is there left of your life in my body and where's your soul that my own soul so badly seeks? I drink the blood that comes from my cut veins so I can feel that I'm alive. I eat my own flesh that comes from the injuries caused by you just so I feel the pain that I still have and the sorrow that corrupts my vision.
Visions of future and I still hope to find you in the past...

Life it seems to fade away,

just as I seek for you,

in my dreams,

and where my hope lays:

In your arms.

Pergunto...

Palavras por dizer deixei eu hoje naqueles escassos minutos que falamos. Queria terminar a nossa conversa pois tu inspiras-me a escrever todas estas palavras que sozinho não conseguiria conter dentro de mim. Suscitas em mim emoções que nunca antes senti e fazes-me sentir bem. Toda a dor e sofrimento do mundo não se conseguem comparar aquilo que me fazes ao falar comigo. Apenas ao ouvir a tua suave voz eu consigo dizer mil palavras de amor pois é o meu coração e alma a ordenar o meu corpo nessa ocasião.
Estendo uma mão no ar à procura de ajuda ou talvez à procura da resposta da razão de me sentir como me sinto contigo. Poderia eu alguma deixar estes sentimentos de lado e voltar ao meu antigo eu apenas para deixar uma marca na minha alma auto-destrutiva? Conseguirei eu algum dia deixar de sentir o prazer que me dás ao falar nem que seja apenas cinco palavras comigo?
Que seja o que o futuro deseja ou mesmo o que o Diabo queira, por mim, desde que viva mais um dia apenas para te ver e sentir o teu calor no meio na neblina de humidade que nos passa à frente. No meio de nós as pessoas separam-nos e em cima de nós a chuva cai mas será isso o suficiente para nos separar? Procuro eu pela felicidade que me irá destruir eventualmente ou é apenas mais uma forma que a minha alma procura para me fazer sofrer e deixar as marcas profundas e cicatrizes que a vida não tirará?
Responde-me com sinceridade: alguma vez me fizeste pensar, nem que por engano, que estaremos os dois condenados a amarmos-nos ou estarei eu apenas a sonhar acordado como tem sido a minha própria vida? Olho-me ao espelho e nada vejo para além de uma pequena alma sem sentido algum e que mais valeria morrer a ficar vivo a sofrer. O tempo passa e eu noto as mudanças em mim e as mudanças no vento. Tomo nota de que a raiva que era a minha vida deixou de existir e todas aquelas lutas que eu tinha por razão alguma deixaram de existir. Tenho saudades de o meu eu antigo mas ao mesmo tempo quero ficar assim apenas para te amar.
Mas tudo isto para quê? Existe sempre a possibilidade de estar a escrever apenas para meu consolo, apenas para não explodir por dentro. A verdadeira pergunta é: estarei eu a sonhar com algo que não existe ou estamos verdadeiramente ligamos de uma forma intima que é a razão de tantas palavras e sentimentos expressados da minha parte?

Palavras mal pronunciadas...

Quantas vezes podemos nós olhar para o céu à noite, na cidade, apenas para dizer que amamos sem sermos julgados pelos desconhecidos que por ali passam e que pensam e, se não pensam, falam julgando-nos apenas por não sermos aquilo que a sociedade deseja de nós e por não termos os mesmos desejos e vontades que este mundo nos impõe? Quantas vezes podemos nós falar sem desconfiança a um estranho na rua e perguntar-lhe como está? Quanto tempo teremos nós de esperar até perceber que "conhecer" é apenas um formalidade e que a realidade em si é que todos nós somos desconhecidos a nós próprios?
Se penso e existo ao mesmo tempo conseguirei ainda reconhecer que a verdade está escondida na sombra e a única coisa que a oculta é a nossa sede pelo que está errado mas moralmente correcto para a sociedade? Conseguirei eu reconhecer-te daqui a 10 anos ao passar por ti na rua? Voltarei atrás na minha memória àquela tarde inesquecível que passei contigo apenas para te poder dizer mais uma vez que te amei a partir daí. Reconheço agora que disse palavras precipitadas causadas apenas pelo amor que tenho por ti e que é agora demasiado tarde para as retirar ou modificar de forma a que não te assustasses e te afastasses gradualmente de mim. Porque as saudades não perdoam a dor e o vazio que sinto dentro de mim pelo tempo passado afastado de ti.
Erro meu mais uma vez por te ter deixado ir pois essa era a tua vontade. Verdade minha e tua que apenas naquelas escassas horas estivemos em sintonia e que conseguimos estabelecer uma ligação mais forte que o mundo em si, mais forte que a gravidade que nos puxa para o centro da terra até nos esmagar aos mil pedaços, mais forte que o calor que o Sol traz à Terra apesar de estarmos muito afastados. Mais forte que isto existe apenas a mágoa que se consegue ver nos meus olhos, agora pretos e vazios pela nossa escassez do teu contacto.
Da luz do teu corpo à escuridão da minha mente sinto que a nossa ligação está lentamente a esvaecer. Se o meu corpo rejeita a tua mente porque estará a minha mente a dizer que quer o teu corpo? Se a minha alma deseja pela tua porque estará a minha mente a perguntar se a tua alma quer a minha? Perguntas às quais apenas o tempo pode responder e com muito sofrimento e luta esse tempo passará indo ao seu lento ritmo deixando as suas marcas em mim.

Wishes from above

Trapped in the void of my mind, seeking for a way out of this nightmare that is your love. All dark around me, no light in sight and I still have the little hope of escaping. There's no more ways of saying this or more easy tracks to sing to you while you're asleep: your love is like a spiders web, keeping me trapped and not letting me escape, taking all my life with just one kiss that takes me to the stars and back. How hard can it be to let you go when all the pain in my face is caused by you? How easy would it be if you just let me be myself and keep my sorrow in your arms, when you're laying in bed trying to sleep and dream with me.
Dump your bear in the trash and let me hug you like there's only one tomorrow and no more today. Take the midnight train back to your home, far away from my heart and from the wishes from the heaven, form revenges in your mind and sell your soul to the devil for just one more chance of love with me. Take the life from my body but you'll know that my soul will never rest in your lap and my wounds will never be healed by your hands. Take notes of all the things we said and what they meant for no more your tears will keep this flame of love alive.
From the deep of my heart these words fly like arrows, piercing my heart for your love as only brought pain and sorrow and made me look much older, and the sacrifices that I made for you were only the key to the gates of Hell when I finally rest and land on the lap of the Gods. Hold my hand as I fall from this earth to the deep of Hell into the hands of the Devil. While I watch my body on fire, I see you in the bloody-red water of Hell living the life of a sinner and then, just then, I realise that it's your life that has brought me into Hell and that you'll be with me once again. So once again and for the last time I make a sacrifice for you so you'll never see the red of the flames of Hell and you'll never suffer again.
You're in Heaven where Hell should be for once again my sacrifice was in vain and my head is empty just for you.

Virus

Slowly eating my brain, tearing it apart. A virus in my head telling me how to live and controlling my feelings. If I can't love what can I do? Hate. Hate that I have a virus and that I'm slowly turning to one myself. I'll come back to where I once was in a happy place, with no virus in sight.
A land where children could see the sun and the blue sky. In those times I could say to my children: "Say what you want for we are free and no trouble is in sight." Sad I am now for my mistake and even more sad for my children are dead now for they were seduced and used by my words that killed them.
Cutting my veins open, making myself cry, desperate for your help I seek in the darkness a light that represents the hope I once had in myself. Only hope that I have now it's yours because it's my life on the risk but my heart is in your hands. For this virus is trying to control me but you're the only place in my mind where he'll never find or even suspect.
Dark in my eyes, ask me what is wrong, let me tell you that I love the felling, the felling of my brain being eaten. Some words are misunderstood but nor from or for you. What I say and what I said to you I mean and meant it for you are the special one and I know that when I don't have a brain you'll be always beside me taking care of me for your memory will always live and the virus will never find it though it will destroy it slowly without it even knowing. Love you my angel of freedom and still you're killing me and the virus is eating my brain.
In the fields of the war will the virus came out and say to the world that he's the cause of destruction or will you reveal your self with your white wings and you black hair covering the sun and the fields letting me finally have some rest?

Memorial to a friend

Damn those thoughts and those ideas. Push them away and try to sleep for that is real. Our definitions of what's real or unreal, wrong or right, true or false is now corrupted like our life's. Give an idea of what to write and do it fast for I'm running out of time and all that will be left of me is my memory in your empty head. Ashes of time set me off from this place, take me to a place where I belong and where I finally fit. Say these words deep in the night when you can't sleep therefore you cannot dream. Though you want and wish it so hardly there's no way of you getting out of this nightmare called life. Wish you awake, wish alive, wish you asleep, wish your death. Accept it for it's the only thing that matters and the only thing that can set you off right now.
Ash to ash, dust to dust, fade to black - these are the words that I will say in your funneral for they are the only one's that say the truth and that mean what they seem to mean. Apearences ilude they say but what the eyes can't see our hears can listen. I'll whisper this to you in your mind while you see your movie of life.
They say that memory will keep us together but what will keep us alive while we remember?? Bring the photographs of our life for death has no place for life and memory. Set the pieces of the puzzle all mixed up in the table and start moving your feet like in war in the fields of death. Mars idea of fun, no doubt, but there are other ways of living and other ways of dieing. Mars is in your thoughts and he's telling you to shut me out for my mind is corrupted with the ways of the devil. Try to fight it, try to resist it but there's no way you can run from this nightmare.
Sail to the sea, drink some wine for your funneral has finished a long time ago and now, my friend, you can sleep never to wake again, never to remember again and never to dream again.

Lágrimas

Grita-se o que se pode até as cordas vocais cederem. Tira as fotografias para recordação dos bons e velhos tempos. Um tarde que jamais esquecerás e que será a elegida tarde da tua vida. Porque a morte não tem supresas apenas tem uma vastidão e uma escuridão que nos deixa em choque. Vira o disco e toca o mesmo para que te possas sentir contente uma vez mais. Lembra-te desta tarde como se fosse ela tivesse sido a tua vida inteira.
Traz-nos a lugares em que a mente não consegue alcançar sozinha - a fotografia. Lembra-nos dos amigos que temos e dos que tivemos, do que fizemos e informa-nos do que resta para nós fazermos. Traz-nos de volta aquelas habilidades e aqueles truques que faziamos quando eramos mais novos.
Sempre melancólico e com dor nos olhos pois tempos passados e tempos varridos dos quais eu tenho saudades e dos quais não consigo revivê-los. Lágrimas na minha face, lágrimas de dor, lágrimas de lembrança, lágrimas que acabam por ser de saudades.
Voltarei atrás mais uma vez apenas para lembrar-me do que fui e do que nunca serei outra vez e se alguma vez duvidei do que era foi apenas para me lembrar do que mais preciso há para mim para além do meu amor ardente pela deusa a quem se denomina "borboleta": os meus amigos. Porque não existe uma tarde razoável em que não se metam os amigos e que façamos o que os nossos conhecimentos nos permitem. Uma futebolada ou mesmo tocar guitarra mas no fundo apenas as fotos que nos trazem lembraças é que restam. Sim porque a mente humana apenas se lembra dos nossos momentos altos e baixos mas nunca nos permite guardar os momentos bons que passamos com os amigos porque estamos demasiado ocupados a desfrutá-los.
Sei que eventualmente tudo perderemos porque a morte não perdoa e não esquece mas também não nos deixa levar nada connosco mas faz-nos deixar tudo na vida apenas não na nossa mas na dos outros.
Um pedaço de mim perdi hoje quando ficamos os três sentados no meu terraço apenas a ver o tempo a passar e a tirar as fotografias para um dia futuro podermos falar disso. Não esquecerei aqueles tempos que passamos e aquelas tardes imperdiveís com os meus amigos. Até qualquer dia, vemos-nos lá.

Aquarius

Da dor tu te ergues-te comigo sempre na escuridão a apoiar-te. Saber o gosto amargo da traição é deveras doloroso, de tal forma doloroso que um humano sozinho não conseguirá aguentar. Para isso existem os amigos e essa é a sua definição. Amigos servem para partilhar alegria, dor, prazer ou a amargura da vida. Nesta vida há vários caminhos, todos dolorosos e árduos mas com os teus amigos ao teu lado conseguirás chegar à meta final.

Minas e explosivos, canhões carregados prestes a explodir, no fim e na guerra apenas uma memória te restará nem que com apenas um braço te consigas movimentar. De todo o sofrimento que deixas em todos nós ao ficares apenas com uma mente obstruída sei eu, porém, que qualquer dia o Sol virá e brilhará apenas para te limpar a escuridão da cabeça. Dos raios de luz vindos do Sol pela manhã até ao luar à noite eu te acompanho apenas vendo na tua cara uma dor insuportável e maior que este mundo.

Terás ainda amigos quando partires? Terás apenas amigos quando eu partir? Nas sombras eu me pergunto e nos cantos obscuros da tua mente eu me alimento da tua dor que me fortalece e que te leva a ficar mais leve e mais alegre.

Mostra-me como se vive quando a escuridão nos assola e mesmo assim resistimos ao único impulso que nos vem à mente: a morte. Mostra-me como se vive quando nem os nossos amigos aguentam com a dor que lhes pomos nas costas e que nos voltam as costas deixado-nos sozinhos na escuridão a ser o que somos e lentamente a sermos consumidos pelo diabo.

Como consegue alguém viver em paz e em conforto quando tudo à nossa volta nos traí e que a nossa própria mente nos ilude.

Solta-me de tais pensamentos e abre-me a mente a uma nova porta nesta vida. Muitos foram os autores de livros escritos no passado que disseram que esta vida e este mundo são cruéis. terão eles razão ou serão eles apenas mais vítimas das ilusões da nossa mente? Será correcto criticar as suas obras sem saber o que está por detrás delas ou conseguiremos mesmo compreender o que os levou a escrever tais blasfémias?

Aquarius meu amigo sobreviverás a tal mundo cruel escrito em páginas do tempo?? E se conseguires ajudar-me-às também a sobreviver-las?

Para o meu amigo Aquarius que leva uma vida que qualquer pessoa inveja pois tem o poder de superá-la e superiolizá-la sozinho. És o maior!!

The tale of the Land of the Free

Several days ago, several years have passed, as we roamed against the sea to find a new land, a land of peace, a land where we could find the things that made us rich, powerful and sad. As we fought bravely against the raging sea I saw the upcoming lightning. It stroke me as an arrow into my chest and I could finally fell the freedom running trough my veins.
Finally I was dead but I still wanted to feel the blood of the man that had done this to me so I continued to walk, badly and injured. I fought against the pain that I felt in my chest as I spoke and I felt it again when I had to kill the captain that was trying to take out of the ship.
Sad to say though that I for once thought that the impossible had been conquered and that this earth was mine for the taking. Once again I was wrong and with my mistake so came the pain and sorrow, for disaster never strikes alone. Always by my side, my friend, I seek for you and for your wise words to advice me of the course of my actions but once more I was betrayed. With your knife and your wood leg you pointed for my head and, with the rest of the crew, you pushed me away from the ship to the never ending sea. For once I've told you that I don't know where should I roam and where should I hide when the past actions would come back to hunt me and then you helped me but now you betray me with the words of the devil in your mind, killing and consuming you slowly.
In the water, have been thrown off the ship a lot time ago, I see in the distance a light. With black hair and blue eyes, I see a girl as beautiful as Venus herself. So to land I roamed, where I see her and where I believe I finally found my salvation. From the blue sea I appear to find you scared. In my strange way I introduce myself and hoping that you would understand my language. In polite and beautiful words you answer me introducing yourself.
For months we've lived together in harmony and I knew for sure that I've found my purpose in life. Once again I was wrong as I saw in the distance a ship where you, my friend, once had thrown me out and now waved at me. I knew that you were alone and afraid for all the crew had died short after I was thrown off the ship. You came to realise that I was the one that could save you from the words of the devil. I was going to reject you but she made me change my mind and say yes. I hoped from the deep of my heart that she saw my sacrifice of accepting you in the land of the free as a compromise but in time I came to realise that she accepted everyone for she was the ruler of the land and whoever landed there would be under her spell. Once again I was stroked by a lightning and then I realised what I should finally do: kill her. But I also knew what would happen to me when I killed her: I was going to thrown off the land once again so I decided to kill myself for the purpose of my life was to die.
So it happened in the land of the free, the ultimate sacrificed: we both were going to the real land of the free, the land of the people, my land.

Goddess

Pain and suffering in the window of life. Many ways of thinking that what's yours can be mine. Many ways to improvise the life that you once had and that you will have trough the door that is open for you. Travelling trough the desert in a slow march, like the winter comes and like the fall goes. For you if only, the big meaning of our fight and the living pain that they bring in the fields of the future war. In the car with the window opened and the door locked, I think that I'm surrounded by the huge pain of living and that this memory will remain with me for eternity. In the bus, I think about you, about all the things I want to say to you when you finally arrive to the highlands where I like to think that I live. This memory will remain with all the pieces of the puzzle solved and glued together. With the door locked and all hopes remaining in the closet, going rotten and being eaten by the rats of my mind. From the four corners of my mind I bring the pain and suffering that used to be my life until I met you and my life turned around. From the pit I returned to see the sun light hit my face once again and to discover that I'm not alone and that I'm not blind. From the skies, you goddess, you've fall to light my life and to show me how to live.
For your love I breed and for your touch I die. For the sinners that I see and for the pain that I am I cannot live without you and the warm that your love brings to me. For the corrupted world that we live in and from the sorrow I feel inside as I write this letters dedicated to you goddess, only the wish of your soul can tell me how I feel and only you can change the meaning of my life.
To go to war I see a way of telling you how I love without getting hit in the face with words. Because your words, badly said, can cut in such ways that I think that I would die. Wounds so deep that even scars won't be able to close them and forever more they will bring me pain. You know that for you I will, I will die in war for you and from the air that I breed I will sacrifice myself to you so you can live for another day. Say that you don't care about yourself only for me. Cry for help in war for my life is ending and my soul will depart. I will whisper to you four little words "I love you goddess"

Caminho...

Como estar aqui e ali ao mesmo tempo? Fazer porcos voar e galinhas terem dentes. Caminho uma longa estrada que não parece ter fim à procura da razão da minha existência. Como poderei ser útil quando matar-me parece a única solução a tomar? Sei que quando te vi fiquei com a alma nos céus e o corpo inerte pois a tua beleza é superior à de uma Deusa. Fico sem palavras ao ver os teus olhos azuis, cristalinos como o mar e o azul do céu. Sem me dizeres nada percebi tudo. Li a tua mente naquele momento mas apenas não consegui fazer o que devia. Poderei saber se tenho outra hipótese de te beijar? Porque se não tiver diz-me já para que possa seguir com a única saída que me aparece neste caminho: morrer. Num momento em que as estrelas estavam a brilhar e os planetas estavam alinhados soube o que devia fazer mas apenas não o consegui. O brilho dos teus olhos ofuscaram a minha visão e deixaram-me cego desde que te vi, naquele pequeno sítio que a mim nada representa.

Como uma marcha fúnebre caminho na tua direcção, o medo e o nervosismo a apoderarem-se de mim e a deixaram-me com vontade de virar para trás, mas o meu amor fala mais alto e o meu coração é o que pensa e é o que me faz mexer. Se voar é impossível e amar-te é pecado eu quero voar para pecar.

Sabendo quem és nunca sei o que dizer a seguir pois um nó na minha garganta impede-me de falar o que quer que seja. Noto o frio nas tuas palavras quando se fala de o passado e noto o teu calor quando falas comigo. Será o teu calor ou apenas o calor da tua paixão a arder por ti?

De todo o ar do mundo que eu tenho para respirar, teu é para que vivas mais e que embelezes mais este mundo feio que apenas cicatrizes deixa. Não querendo a morte no teu caminho, o sacrifício da minha alma eu faço apenas para que possas mostrar o que é realmente existir e ser-se belo.

De todas as mulheres que amei e conquistei, que vi e admirei tu és sem dúvida a única que me põe contente e aos saltos.

No momento da despedida o meu nervosismo de ocasiões futuras apoderou-se de mim e mostrei-te a minha fraqueza, não querendo mais que volte a aparecer. Do monstro que eu defrontei e amansei até agora que escrevo isto, sei que quero estar contigo uma vez mais e talvez me possas dar uma razão para contuinar a caminhar o longo caminho ao qual não vejo fim...

The tale of the Demon and the Angel

Tell me something to cheer me up. Give me something so I can have a reason to get up from the bed in the morning. Say that you're here and that you'll never leave. Because Death as a monster and it isn't nice. For the first time in my life I feel afraid, afraid of Death. It's power is growing and I still don't know if we'll survive trough the rain and trough the thunder. It gets up from his pit where he lays trough the sunshine and comes to hunt me trough the night. I might ran but it's not my thing. I can stand and fight though I know that I'll be defeated and dead in a second but I won't just give it up.
Give me life and take it away just that easy since you have the power and the knowledge to do it. Fight me, kiss me, hold me as if there was no tomorrow for I'm leaving and there's no way to escape what's awaiting me in the fields.
Arrows crash in the floor and go trough my arms and legs, leaving me in the floor bleeding and thinking of all the things I've like to do with you. From my mouth I have the feeling that I'm screaming but I don't hear anything. I see blood coming down my arms into my sword and more blood flying as I kill the enemies around me. As I get in the middle of something big I see your beautiful face saying goodbye and sorrow piercing you from the back. I run badly and almost dying I touch you face as you whisper your love for me and make me cry.
As I stand on my knees I hope someone kills me but then I see my true self in your blood and get up for revenge. Killing who I see, blind by rage, I run to Death's monster and with my sword glowing like the Holy Grail, I jump and cut him in the neck. Still standing the monster fight to survive for I'm cutting him with my sword.
Death's on his shoulder laughing and healing the monster. As I look back everyone's dead except for you and me and I think that I'm finally dead and forever with you. That's just a dream because I see white wings on your back and black wings on mine as demons rise from the floor like an army with spears and angels fly from the sky with swords. Side by side God and the Beast walk trough them and give me the final order. I can see fear in Deaths face and I laugh cutting the monster in two and I see you retrieving Deaths essence from his body.
From the rage, comes revenge and from revenge we appear in the middle of war, the Demon and the Angel.

Love

"Death in the air, strapped in the electric chair" - see how the feelings that run through me take me to say such words. Though those aren't my words. Those words are from Metallica in the music "Ride the Lightning" but they do describe how I feel right now. Because I'm in a position so delicate that even right now Death seems like a easy way out. Say what's best this time, because now my brain it's drained from my head and it seems like a little peanut. It's sorrow I see before my eyes or is it only the pain that the coming day brings me? I know for sure that I want to be with you, but the distance still tears us apart. Only know from my part that I love you but I'm still in doubt about yours.
By only seconds I missed our first kiss and I'm still in pain because of it. Wherever you may go or whenever you come back, be aware that I'll be thinking about you though I know I'm not the only one. I'll fight, I'll bleed, Hell and Heaven I'LL GO TO WAR for you. "Son,..." my father told me "to die for your love is the same to die for the greater good of whom you believe". I'm still thinking of these words still searching of the meaning of them.
Can we please have a moment for I know that this love will not last. Too many things against me and you and our love. If so why not give it up right now? I can answer that question: It's better to die for the love that you thought impossible than to just give it up and spend the rest of you life thinking about it. Say your prayers and go to bed my angel for I'm the one that will be watching and keeping you safe during the night. For I'm the demon that you see in your dreams and that makes laugh, cry and believe. I make you live in the ways that you thought that were to painfully to imagine.
Love can I say to you that you're in my dreams and that I think about you all the time? Love can I speak really loud to the worlds that my love for you goes to the forgotten lands? And love can I say that you're what you are and that it doesn't matter what others say or think about you? Wish what you want and pray all that you can for your god is on Earth to correct the wrong things in life so we'll be more afraid of Death. Say that you like right straight to your friends for that is what I want and that is my way of saying I love you.

Sentido de Vida

Será atracção ou apenas distracção? Um caminho infinito com inúmeras perguntas às quais não sei dar resposta. Sei que estou cego e que por isso não consigo ver. Não consigo ver a verdade atrás das cortinas vermelhas nem a verdade atrás das máscaras usadas pelas pessoas. Sei no entanto que a vida tem vários sentidos e que sempre nos deixa mal depois de nos deixar bem. Enoja-me profundamente saber que tudo o que vemos à nossa frente é falso: a felicidade, o amor, os amigos... Enoja-me saber que à nossa frente a única verdade é o fim das nossas vidas.
Remamos na nossa vida à procura de algo ou mesmo do significado da vida. Não o achamos porque não o queremos aceitar. É muito simples, no entanto, a resposta: o único sentido de esta vida é a morte pois representa tudo o que acreditamos, queremos, possuímos e temos medo. Não o aceitamos pelo simples facto que acreditamos naquilo que temos durante a vida e porque sabemos que aquilo é o fim. Mas, como tudo na vida, a própria vida tem um fim e acabamos sempre perdidos onde quer que seja e, acima de tudo, esquecidos. Voltamos àquilo que gostaríamos de ser. Talvez um dia o possamos dizer. Tiramos fotos e guardamos memórias para talvez um dia, quando tivermos a morte à porta, nos lembrarmos-nos desses tempos. Choramos pois será o fim daquilo que realmente gostamos e do que realmente nos faz dizer: "Vivemos". Acabará esse dia por vir, mas será que teremos a consciência ou tempo suficiente para nos apercebermos de que está na altura. Apenas os eleitos, sem dúvida, o conseguiram. Eleitos, aqueles que têm noção do que se passa à volta deles e que sabem que viveram sem quaisquer dúvidas nem hesitações. Todos os queremos ser, pois eles realmente não têm medo e atiram-se de cabeça para os desafios e obstáculos da sua vida. A inveja e o medo nunca aparecem nas suas faces, por mais estranha, embaraçosa ou humilhante que seja a situação. Sentimento sem fim, guerra no mundo porque de facto vivemos e caminhos no sentido da vida: a morte.

The pit

Darkness is here, fight or die. Sinking in the pit of death and going nowhere with these thoughts. Love's a road to the pit and all the things you say and all the things you do can't matter any less. Sink now because in the darkness I wait you and so do your friends. Your friends, the demons, the one's that are with you when you're afraid in the dark, sensing that you're being watched. But you are, by them. They're protecting from the things that may take you away from the road to the pit. They protect though you think that they're bad and evil. Keep away those thoughts for here I am, in the deepest and darkest corner of your room watching you breathing hardly and not sleeping. Please don't, just don't. Don't turn on the light for you cannot see me, ever, and you cannot feel me as much as you want. Turn the road and die. Death in your dreams, devils hand on your shoulder, making sure that you're safe with him, and you're the one that he'll keep more safely for your soul is his blessing. Turn red from fright and turn deep from the pit and say that you're alone. Though they know that's wrong, the demons will always keep an eye on you making sure that you're safe and that you're soul is delivered to the devil. Rest now, just close your eyes and think about the things in life for you will only have them once. Sleep now that you know you're safe. Die now for it's your time to go to the pit. Love me, hate me, hit me, bleed for me, anyway that you like, anyway that you hate. Say that you love me though deep down you know it's not true. Sing that song that you have in your mind if that makes you sure that you will not fall upon my hands. Care to say to me goodbye? For the trip is long and though you will not be aware of it you will be thinking about what you missed for I once done that and now I deeply regret for all the things that I didn't said to you. Go to the pit and join me in the deep. Say that you're with me once more and that you can be sure that nothings forever except for death and for the pit. For whom do they march, when rain is falling and their bodies are in sacred hands? Screaming, even crying, there they march, there they fall and there they will know the meaning of life itself upon the lips of Death. March to the pit soldiers and say that you're alone.

Sin number 1

As I look to the sky and see the clouds moving in towards the sun, darkness already planted in my heart for your loss and emptiness feeling me from toe to the extreme of my fingers. I like to think that someday you'll come back and the darkness in my heart gets your sunshine and leaves just letting you take over. Other times I just think that there's no other choice but to leave the darkness and pain eat me alive, unaware of the pain that it's coming my way.
For it's coming just as I know that you'll keep me alive and that the sun shines. Love is a struggle, no question, but it's only a way to the only road you'll ever recognize and know well: Death. Yes I like to think that I'm his son for mortal things cannot hit me or hurt me so I wait until it comes. And yes I've killed you when I said that final and painful word: goodbye. If it has hurt you, you can be sure that it has hurt me twice as more. For seeing you leave through that door, crying and hardly breathing, it has done to me a deep cut in my black heart, a cut that I thought that only my "father" could do to me. I still want to feel your body and to touch your soul but now you're so distant that I think that there's no more hope. Once I tried to contact you but I didn't had the guts to keep the call so I hung. I felt like killing myself and believe me when I say that I almost did it.
Damn those doors, that can't seem to shut and take the pain with them. Love is saying that pain does not exist but there's a shadow in it that I can't recognize. I hope it's you though nothing on this little earth can compare or look like you. Baby I can see trough minds, I can read thoughts but I can't contact you. Without that why should I live. Just to sin again?? Therefore sin is my life and without it I'm left with you or with the pain that I forced you to leave upon me.
Close the damn door and close it well for I'll be in the corner of my heart where there's the light of hope that I have on speaking with you again.
March until sun light defenders of the truth for I'm not worthy of living and I don't want it either. Pierce me with your steaks, arrows and swords until I die for that is my will since I don't have you. Leave scars on my body so no one can recognize me when I'm dead and they treat me like that I am. Love is still saying that everything's alright but there's still the shadow that I can't recognize. Until we meet again.