Deadly hope

You, the only one that right now I can remember. Now that I lay in this field, now that I've been shot in the heart by a bullet from my enemy. You're the only memory that comes to my head right now that I'm dyeing. You can still bring me to my feet and with a last breath I struggle for my opponents death. My struggle, in vain, is over just as a horn blows through the air bringing the smell of defeat with it. Though I've killed my enemy, a new and vast number of enemies appears in the horizon. My life, just as I reach for my last energy, seems to fade away just as your memory comes back to me once again.
In the middle of the rain I stand and there I wait for a damn sign that you're around though you've left a long time ago. I'm still in that rain calling your name with the little hope that this world is fake and that this reality is just a mirror image of disgrace. Disgrace just because I'm still waiting for you as if there's no more life in me. With full energy I call your name crying in the middle of the street with rain falling upon me and, with my hair wet, I get to my knees and start to say all the things that I wanted to say to you so long ago, while you were still here with me.
Just out from the summer sun I'll say that my life is over and to my friends I'll just be another stranger that as passed trough their life's leaving my marks but not lasting forever. Could I ever last forever when you're gone and when I've died with my soul laying on your lap in the fields of war? Or did I gain a fever from the rain when I called and cried your name? When I was on my knees and the rain was falling upon me, was that it? Was my life a waste just because I've waited for you or is still my life a waste because I'm still waiting?
Can the answers to all my questions fall upon my hands from the sky or will I have to struggle some more to get them? Just because my life is what I don't wish of it will I have to kill myself just for the people around me get my point? Will they get their own mistakes or will I realise finally that I'm the one that is making the mistakes?
Sad but still true is my life to me but what is there left of your life in my body and where's your soul that my own soul so badly seeks? I drink the blood that comes from my cut veins so I can feel that I'm alive. I eat my own flesh that comes from the injuries caused by you just so I feel the pain that I still have and the sorrow that corrupts my vision.
Visions of future and I still hope to find you in the past...

Life it seems to fade away,

just as I seek for you,

in my dreams,

and where my hope lays:

In your arms.