Sin number 1

As I look to the sky and see the clouds moving in towards the sun, darkness already planted in my heart for your loss and emptiness feeling me from toe to the extreme of my fingers. I like to think that someday you'll come back and the darkness in my heart gets your sunshine and leaves just letting you take over. Other times I just think that there's no other choice but to leave the darkness and pain eat me alive, unaware of the pain that it's coming my way.
For it's coming just as I know that you'll keep me alive and that the sun shines. Love is a struggle, no question, but it's only a way to the only road you'll ever recognize and know well: Death. Yes I like to think that I'm his son for mortal things cannot hit me or hurt me so I wait until it comes. And yes I've killed you when I said that final and painful word: goodbye. If it has hurt you, you can be sure that it has hurt me twice as more. For seeing you leave through that door, crying and hardly breathing, it has done to me a deep cut in my black heart, a cut that I thought that only my "father" could do to me. I still want to feel your body and to touch your soul but now you're so distant that I think that there's no more hope. Once I tried to contact you but I didn't had the guts to keep the call so I hung. I felt like killing myself and believe me when I say that I almost did it.
Damn those doors, that can't seem to shut and take the pain with them. Love is saying that pain does not exist but there's a shadow in it that I can't recognize. I hope it's you though nothing on this little earth can compare or look like you. Baby I can see trough minds, I can read thoughts but I can't contact you. Without that why should I live. Just to sin again?? Therefore sin is my life and without it I'm left with you or with the pain that I forced you to leave upon me.
Close the damn door and close it well for I'll be in the corner of my heart where there's the light of hope that I have on speaking with you again.
March until sun light defenders of the truth for I'm not worthy of living and I don't want it either. Pierce me with your steaks, arrows and swords until I die for that is my will since I don't have you. Leave scars on my body so no one can recognize me when I'm dead and they treat me like that I am. Love is still saying that everything's alright but there's still the shadow that I can't recognize. Until we meet again.